I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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