It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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