he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
