I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
