mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
