i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just high enough for therapy.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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