No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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