I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
