Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
