I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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