come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
