You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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