Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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