when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
