Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Don't make out with my wife yet
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
