I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
