I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
