Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
