my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
