Swine flu. Run for my life!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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