She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
