This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
pop tarts are not kleenex
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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