mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
