Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize