The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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