So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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