that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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