I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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