I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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