I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
