Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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