so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Drunk is not a location!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
