i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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