no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
