You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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