They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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