dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
