im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize