god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
