its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
