I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
