Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
