Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
