how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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