the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
