a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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