if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
