I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize