Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
