She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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