i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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