Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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