If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The air taste purple.
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