I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
