I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
