We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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