Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
