Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
