so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
