you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
