Need sex. Gaining weight.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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