so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
