Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
