they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
