Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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