I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
