If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
where does the pee come out of this thing
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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