The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
