well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
