How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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