i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
