Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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