Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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