it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
