Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
