The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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