We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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