he told me I talked like a deaf person
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
