dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
