how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my being single is dangerous.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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