Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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