Who wears a wallet chain?!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I touched a dick in church today
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
