apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
