I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
