this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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