Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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