Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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