ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
