before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize