It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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