I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
