i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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