I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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