before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize