im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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