A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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