1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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