First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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