If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
