i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it's like iHOP with fire
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
