break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
