You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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