Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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