i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
