she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
