Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
