I just pynch a tree in the face
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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