Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
