if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
420 ftw
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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