M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
