The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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