new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize