Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
