I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
