The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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