What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
