That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
