You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
