a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
